A Little Piece of Heaven

Matthew 6:28-30 Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you?

We had the opportunity to help a couple the other night.  This couple had been married for a significant amount of time but just recently the husband has found himself not inlove with his wife.  How is this possible?  Many couples spend years together, rearing children together, in ministry together but feel numb to each other.  Is this normal to wake up one day and not feel anything for your spouse?  The world makes fun of marriage as if it is a "ball and chain", a prison, something old fashioned.  However  Proverbs 5:18 says "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe." Then it goes on to admonish men to delight in her and be intoxicated by her love.  This Proverb doesn't say only delight in her while you are young...it says delight in the wife of your youth...meaning you are now old and have had a wife since you were young!  That is exciting to me.  Imagine, 2 gray haired, wrinkly people delighting in one another.  Marriage can be a blessing and is meant to be a reward; a little piece of heaven on earth.  How do we make it that?

We as humans are physical, emotional, and spiritual beings.  The physical part of us is easy for us to understand so let's start there.  When an infant is hungry, what does it do?  It cries until someone feeds it.  When an adult is hungry and hasn't had the opportunity to get food, what do we do?  We get grumpy.  Nothing changes between infancy and adulthood.  We don't ever "grow out of" the need for food.  What are some of the other physical needs?  Air to breathe, shelter and clothing to protect us from the elements, activity.  If we as humans do not get these needs met, we have a hard time functioning.

We react similiarly with our spiritual needs.  We all worship something weather it is the Lord of the Christian or the man of the humanist.  Our behavior is always an overflow of the one we worship.  If we worship God, we follow His commandments.  If we think of ourselves as god than we do everything to gratify ourself.  We have a spiritual need for forgiveness, redemption, for peace and joy.  If these needs don't get met, we have a hard time functioning as well.

What about the emotional needs we have?  Many people think that emotions are for sissies! Or being needy is weak.  However, there were studies in the Nazi concentration camps of 2 groups of babies.  One group had all of their physical needs met; food, water, shelter, and were held.  This group survived.  Another group had all of their physical needs met but were never held and talked to.  This group died.  How many of us parents have watched our children fall down, make eye contact with us, and THEN start to cry?  This is a need for comfort or attention.  Are these needs just for children?  Just like physical and spiritual needs, we never grow out of these needs.  We only learn to cope with them better, or manage them better.  152 different emotional needs are listed in the Bible. Some of these needs are approval, respect, security, comfort, attention, and the list goes on.  These needs are what make us unique.

Understanding these emotional needs is a way to understand your spouse and minister to your spouse.  As much as we are called to anything in our lives, we are called most to minister to our spouse.  1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to "live with your wives in an understanding way".  Wives are called to "watch over the affairs of her household" in Proverbs 31:27.  Maybe, if it was important enough for our Lord to include these needs in His word 152 times, maybe it is important for us to understand them.  Maybe, this is God's way in letting us be His hands and Feet to our spouse and ministering to his heart.  If a person is being ministered to in this way, being cared for in the way the Lord designed him to be cared for, how much greater can he care for a hurting and lost world.  What a greater light we can shine if these needs are understood within the context of meaningful relationships!  As believers of the God who created this world, who has loved us first, we are the ones who need to be caring for others out of the overflow of what has already been given to us!

The Journey

Here we go on a journey I hope that will thrill you; create in you a desire to have more intimate relationships with the people that are close to you. But most of all a journey that brings you closer to an intimate but HOLY God who desires to have His children beat on His chest and also to rest in His care!  This journey, for me, has been a difficult one.  It isn't always easy serving an unseen God, waiting on His care and timing.  Yet, it has always been rewarding and full of blessings.

This journey for me started when my husband and I became engaged.  We had not learned the greatest habits from our families.  We didn't know how to be married.  The first year was the hardest.  If it wasn't for the Lord gently taking us by the hands, I don't think we would still be married...or at least not happily.  We were both selfish, trying to take our needs from the other person instead of waiting and resting and being vulnerable with each other.  However, no one would have guessed that for we always looked happy on the outside.

If you are going to take this journey with me, maybe you'd like to know a little about me. JO and I have known each other all of our lives.  One would think married life would be easy for us.  Our mothers were best friends growing up.  They had "exchanged children" for a few weeks out of the summers when we were small.  I called his parents "Aunt" and "Uncle".  He adored my folks as well!  We knew a lot about each other and yet married life became difficult the moment the wedding reception was over!  I know many of you can relate.  About a year into our marriage as I was studying to become a marriage and family counselor, the Lord led JO and I to take a marriage class teaching us to apply Biblical Principles to our marriage.  It is these Principles that brought both of us into a better relationship with the Lord.  Now, 4 children later, we have come to love each other in the way that Christ called us to love.  It is out of the overflow of that love that we raise our children. Sure, we still have lots of learning to do...but that is why I need this blog!  Writing is one of the ways I learn.  As I share our struggles, failures and joys, I will also be remaining on the path to applying  all that I claim to be Truth to those that the Lord brings to my life.  May you be blessed as we share our lives on this journey together.